L.U.C.K

Are you one of those people who are always suffering setbacks? Does little ever seem to go right for you? Are you dogged by constant instances of sheer bad luck? Do you sometimes feel that the universe is out to get you?

Well, I do… I feel the same way for the past few months…

The world comprises of two different categories of people; fools/losers and betrayers.
To be honest, everybody play either of them; when there comes a situation. But, how long or how often you tend to play a fool’s role; is what it matters for a better survival.

What can be done, when you are forced to be unreal?? When people around you, cannot be true in their behavior, cannot be promising in their relationship they possess with you, its better to move out rather than you being unreal with them.

You always want to be yourself. No point to consider or to be considered by somebody, who doesn’t want you to be yourself. How could you disguise yourself with some attitude that had never been part of you?

Many people around are not the same inside and outside. I am finding it extremely difficult to survive with a false attitude with them for long. I would prefer to live with the pain of being alone rather to be in falsehood.

People, please live and let live all the pitiable souls around …

H.E.A.R.T
(or)
H.U.R.T

The core element in trauma knots that is frequently bypassed is that of hurt (and its relatives of pain, abandonment, loss, emptiness, depression, dullness, grief, sadness and aloneness). Who really wants to feel these feelings? YOU DO! If you want to move through and beyond your traumas, then these must be felt. You will be forever trying to avoid situations and events that trigger your traumas and the hurts within those traumas if you are unwilling to feel the hurting aspects of being human. It is an unwelcome fact that unwanted situations that trigger our trauma knots will happen despite our efforts at avoidance.

Hurt is the pain that eats away at my heart and makes me see the world through a filter of truth. Hurt is the passion that makes me live with the hope for eventual vengeance. Hurt is what sits in the pit of my stomach, waiting for me to acknowledge its power. Hurt is what I feel every moment of every day. Hurt is what halts my laughter immediately after it's conceived. Hurt is what makes me hate the world.

Hurt is the lump in my throat, the pain in my side, the tears that are welled up behind my eyes. Hurt is the well of tears that can't seem to overflow, the tears that are trapped inside of me, dripping down the back of my throat, rushing over the sands of time that wear down my body as it grows older and more insecure. Hurt is the tenseness in my hands and the blurred vision of my future. Hurt is the dream that is fading and falling apart little by little. Hurt is the monster that grabs me from behind and chokes me with its inhuman hands. Hurt is the feeling of knowing you've lost your place on a pedestal in someone's life. Hurt is knowing you've lost yourself somewhere along the way. Hurt is having but not being fulfilled. Hurt is appreciating but not finding comfort. Hurt is emptiness and tiredness, unsuredness and anxiety. Hurt is pressure and pretense and the burden of having to pretend that it's all okay.

Hurt is my captor, my dictator, my tormentor. Hurt is the snap of a whip and the sting as it pierces my innocent flesh. Hurt is the fish trying to live on land, the dinosaur in the twenty-first century. Hurt is the lifetime achievement that wins no award, the miracle that gains no compliment. Hurt is the knife that never cuts, the scar that never heals. Hurt is the end of a good time, the start of an unpleasant task. Hurt is the harsh word in response to a friendly gesture, the failure to acknowledge a favor, the injustice that goes unnoticed. Hurt is the innocent man sentenced to life in prison, the family who sees their son's murderer released on parole. Hurt is the inability to communicate. Hurt is the passionate speech that has no audience. Hurt is the dramatic performance that received no applause, the song that reached no ear. Hurt is the question that has no answer and the answer to a question that will never be asked.

Hurt is being a part of something that forgets you. Hurt is being forgotten by a friend. Hurt is being afraid of the person you thought you could trust. Hurt is having to wait up for the loved one who didn't call. Hurt is having to wonder. Hurt is never knowing. Hurt is turmoil, floating on a placid bay that doesn't want to be disturbed. Hurt is feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd. Hurt is betrayal and jealousy studded with self-doubt and self-contempt. Hurt is a curse on an undeserving body. Hurt is seeing the face of a friend in pain. Hurt is witnessing a tragic goodbye. Hurt is having to say goodbye. Hurt is not being able to say goodbye. Hurt is abandonment. Hurt is misplacing your trust. Hurt is unrequited love. Hurt is unreliable love. Hurt is the absence of love, the confusion about whether or not love really exists.

Hurt is knowing that I can kill. Hurt is knowing that others can kill. Hurt is knowing that we all will die. Hurt is knowing that I will die soon. Hurt is knowing that I am going to die before I achieve anything. Hurt is knowing that I was never meant to achieve. Hurt is knowing that I am nothing. Hurt is knowing that nobody wants me and nobody loves me as much as I need to be loved. Hurt is knowing that nobody wants my love. Hurt is knowing that I am too much to handle. Hurt is knowing that I wouldn't want to handle me either. Hurt is knowing that the world is afraid of me. Hurt is knowing that they're all wrong. Hurt is knowing there is no one else out there like me. Hurt is knowing that everyone is glad there is no one else out there like me. Hurt is knowing that people wish I wasn't who I am. Hurt is knowing that people wish I could be more like them. Hurt is knowing that nobody understands where my pain comes from, including myself. Hurt is knowing that no one can even begin to imagine the extent of the pain. Hurt is knowing that I am loved by people who can't love me enough to fill the void that is constantly in my heart.

Hurt is being on the twenty-fifth mile of the marathon and knowing you don't have the strength to finish. Hurt is knowing your actions have negatively affected someone else. Hurt is looking in the mirror and wanting to scratch out the eyeballs of your reflection. Hurt is constantly feeling inadequate even when you know you're more deserving. Hurt is being blamed for something you didn't do. Hurt is knowing that your best isn't good enough. Hurt is knowing that you have more than you really need and knowing that you wouldn't feel better even if you gave it all away. Hurt is wandering aimlessly through minute after minute, trying desperately to put yourself in a dangerous situation that might eventually get you killed.

Hurt is the demon in my veins. Hurt is knowing that nobody who cares is smart enough to help. Hurt is knowing that nobody who's smart enough cares. Hurt is knowing that none of this matters. Hurt is knowing I'll only feel better when I'm dead. Hurt is knowing that I hurt people when I say that. Hurt is knowing that they don't know how much I wish I didn't have to hurt them or say that at all. Hurt is my life, my soul, and me. Hurt is everything, and I am nothing. Hurt is all there is in life. All I know is hurt.

In Vain and In Pain...

How does it feel when you don’t understand what exactly happened?

How does it feel when you find yourself to be totally wrong about something that you believed in for years?
How does it feel when something is proved wrong that had happened true to your conscience?
How does it feel when fact turns to be a fiction?
How does it feel when you are fooled again and again?
How does it feel when a most lovable song of yours turns you to be destructive?
How does it feel when something stops you from doing the most interesting thing in your life?
How does it feel when you find yourself as blind, dumb and deaf at the time you reach heaven?
How does it feel when you have dreamt of well being at its best and you cannot sleep till death?
How does it feel when you find yourself to be cursed with something you wanted?
How does it feel when all your plus turns minus at the wrong time?
How does it feel when somebody turns on your inferiority complex high?
How does it feel when you want a rewind button and a fast fwd button for your life at the same time?

The willingness to listen, the patience to understand, the strength to support, the heart to care & just to be there….that is the beauty of a lady!

But, is that an advantage or disadvantage..?? Is it sustainable??
You never know … It depends on how these are taken …

How does it feel when the inner beauty of you is not recognized?
How does it feel when you are considered to be nothing by your own kith and kin?
How does it feel when somebody takes you up above the world so high, make fun of you and then to trash?
How does it feel when stars, moon and windows reminds you of dramatic good old days that was never true?

How does it feel when, even the worst of all news bulletins reminds you of something that was sweet before?
How does it feel when things around reminds you of some betrayer; the moment you step down on the road?
How does it feel when you get reminded of somebody who killed you very badly, when you think of shirdi sai baba?

How does it feel when you get reminded of somebody who hates you the most whenever you feel the rudraksha?

How does it feel when a relationship turns selfish?
How does it feel when somebody takes control of your life and that your life turns meaningless?

How does it feel when all of your daily activities reminds you of someone who proved your existence on this earth to be worthless?

Well, it would feel like hopeless, helpless, blanked out, heavy hearted, dejected and humiliated that may lead to do, what you can’t do …

To get shot on your forehead…
To run into a long, sharp sword through your stomach…
To get nailed down on a cross…
To get hit by a big truck on a busy road and get thrown away…
To put your right hand on your left breast to pierce open the bones and pull your heart out…
To get killed in a way that makes you forget the pain that may have caused due to the above…

Again, helpless…

How does it feel when you want your life back, just as it was when you are helpless? Huh...

L.I.F.E

For some, Life is a dream or Life is a miracle…

For anybody, life is not a bed of roses… AGREED.
Everyone fears failure. There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought. Those who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try nothing and succeed. But breakthroughs depend on it. The best thing is to embrace their mistakes and learn from them.

For some, life is miserable. Full of ups and downs… it's true that life is a vicious circle and that everything repeats... life can never be simple but always has to be complicated

The torment of human frustration, whatever its immediate cause, is the knowledge that the self is in prison, its vital force and "mangled mind" leaking away in lonely, wasteful self-conflict.

I am now having doubts about everything, even my own destiny. A lot of things have changed in the last few months...Don't know what happened but all i know is that everything went wrong. Maybe it was for the best but that fact doesn't leave me feeling any better. Why am I punished for no reason ?? Why me???

Could not fight against the dramatic, unfair, un-trustworthy, disloyal, coward, selfish, idiotic, dangerous and dirty game of my life…(a piece of mess)

It hurts, it may never be complete and the wound may never heal….. It's like, i had the final nail of my own coffin!